Finding love and getting married was bliss. Living together for the first time with my ‘forever’ was phenomenal. Nothing however beats the palpitations I feel inside at the thought of raising a child-a whole new human being committed to me!
Parenting prior to the 21st century in Africa especially, was no topic or serious issue at all.
It appeared once you are mature enough to get pregnant or impregnate you become fit even certified by some culture to be called a parent.
However as a mother,born into a not so perfect family but striving tirelessly to raise my children like I had no history of imperfection. I can tell you that PARENTING is a viable course for study and should be taken by anyone who would like to be responsible for a child.
Medical care can put healthy baby in your arms,help your baby ‘latch’ properly to his next source of sustenance,teach you basic hygiene to keep you and child going..but only so much.
You soon discover a baby needs so much more than breast milk and clean change of diapers.
“Children are an heritage of the Lord,and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man,so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them:they shall not be ashamed,but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”
Everything in this portion of the scriptures show there’s an eternal purpose for children. God is fully involved. There’s a reward system already present in the business of bearing and raising children. There’s a price to be payed to earn each rewards!
If you are not ready to lay your life down for another you are not ready to be a parent.
Parenting requires enormous,dedicated giving. Unconditional,loving and duty of care.
The day you bear or take sole charge of a child,that day your life vitally seizes to be yours alone.
Indeed when you get married your life seizes to be yours alone but its different in the case of children,in that,your spouse’s life does not necessarily depend on yours.
Take for instance a new born baby,would depend on his mother for sustenance through breast milk,and on his father for security through continual provisions and stable support at home.
It is abnormal to raise a child single handedly. In the beginning God made them in ‘twos’. Single parenting is an affliction of the enemy,a social absurdity. Thank God for men and women who stood despite this hardship to raise God’s generals.
However,parenting a child is a task laid on both father and a mother. Extended families can help but the sole responsibility and accurate response to that reward system layed in the scripture earlier stated is on the parent.
You don’t have to be able to carry a pregnancy or impregnate to become a parent.
You can decide to be a parent whenever you are ready to take on the responsibility.
Thus adoption does not make a lesser or second hand parent. Many are blessed with the gift but haven’t earned the reward.
If you find yourself pregnant before you are ready,don’t saddle yourself with marriage immediately to ‘right’ the wrong.
You are not thinking of that child. you are actually thinking of yourself-to save face and eliminate shame.
That in itself exposes selfishness and self centeredness yet on your part and it means you are not ready.
Marriage is an institution on its own. You don’t jump into a class to write exams ,simply because you came TOO early for your own,you’d fail woefully.
What you need to do is seek special care and counseling. May I emphasise : Godly counsel!
When you do this,then you have taken the right step on the journey towards parenthood.
Finally I would like to leave you with these words from Songs of Solomon: “…do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”.(3:5,8:4)
Children are an heritage of the Lord,they are beautiful and can be really sweet (sometimes..!). Happy truly is one that has them. Whether your own “quiver full” be 1,2 or 20.
Do not involve yourself in the business of children unless you are ready for them.
Parenting requires much thoughts and a whole hearted study and research dedicated in preparation.
Your marriage certificate does not confer automatic parental titles on you over night. Remember you are considering the fate of another entirely new human being. Whom God took special care (Gen.1:26) to create and considers a treasure. Psalm 127:3
DON’T ruin it.
Some day,you would find that your own life depends on his too. Psalm 127:5